Sorry I’ve been so silent the last week. I spent last Wednesday in New York: wandering the city, meeting online friends, visiting MoMA, and reinjuring my feet (same place as the injury Ziklag gave me, argh). Then, on Friday, the boyfriend came in to town and stayed through this afternoon, when a group of friends and I dropped him off at the airport and stayed for dinner and conversation at my friend’s mom’s house.
I’m feeling emotionally exhausted. Not that the weekend wasn’t absolutely lovely; but between the emotional interactions with boyfriend and friends, the intellectual engagement of classes, and the additional mind-stretching involved in a crash course in the mechanics of a power plant (with tangents into electrical engineering and physics), I just want to curl up into a ball and listen to the rain. And did I mention that yesterday alone involved two discussions, two lectures, two writing assignments, and an exam?
On another note, I was musing, during the drive back today, about personality types. In terms of D&D alignments, I’ve always been Good, but I feel like I’m increasingly shifting from Chaotic toward Lawful – not out of any particular respect for rules in themselves, but out of a deepening sense that people are thoughtless enough that the law usually has a better idea of what they ought to do than they do. Likewise, in Myers-Briggs terms, while I’ve embraced my Introverted and iNtuitive preferences, I’ve been working to use a Judging approach and Feeling principles to influence my Perceiving, Thinking tendencies.
One of the problems that brought this to mind is that it sets my Feeling ideals against my Introverted instincts: I want to keep relationships with people a priority, but the process of building those relationships frequently drains and frustrates me. Most immediately, I’m torn between the instinct to put together a birthday party (because birthday parties filled with friends are What People Do) and the knowledge that I’d likely be happier recharging my batteries on my birthday with an evening of solitary cooking and DVD-watching. As I was saying to Noah, when one is an introvert – until one’s known a friend so long that there isn’t any sense of artificiality in interaction – even time spent with friends can become extremely draining.
Like I said above, though, I’m emotionally exhausted at the moment, which doesn’t help my reasoning. I hope you’re all well; I’ll try to respond to comments and posts shortly.
(CJ said it’s raining in D.C., Shari says it’s raining in North Carolina, and it’s raining steadily here. I’ve been listening to “Pour Oublier Je Dors” on repeat.)